• Guest post by a local dad of a two year old boy •
Now I understand that this post may make me seem like a bad father. I am an honest father. I love my kids for 365 days a year. One of those days, however; I love nothing more than the sweet sound of silence.
That’s right. I’m talking about the dreaded Father’s Day.
You know, all your suspecting thoughts that we might be there but we aren’t “present”? That we would rather be doing “anything else” – they were probably right. This is just the one day a year I (we) want to express those feelings and disappear. Or, you all disappear..
The amount of care I (we) have for a Father’s Day card that has a handwritten scribble that looks like a $500k painting – is absolutely zero.
I would not like breakfast in bed nor would I like anything at all. The card that I am sure to be receiving, as soon as it comes into my possession, I am quietly thinking “How soon can I get rid of this before I am deemed a bad person?”.
I can already sense an angry horde of women at the mere sight of this article.
You need to understand men and our basic wants and desires. You may think you know. But you don’t.
We want very little. That is all I (and we as a collective male group) ever want. Is to do very little, be very little and experience very little. We want very little amounts of nothing combined with even more nothing and a sprinkle of sweet FA.
Having children is the complete opposite of our desire of nothing. It is the equivalent to suggesting we do more fun things together and then taking us to some sort of play that doesn’t have car chases and scantily dressed women. These are the anti-christ suggestions known to us fathers as ‘parenthood and family life’.
Father’s Day should be a sacred day, a day where instead of having my nostrils violated by diaper changes and making sure the toddler doesn’t eat some sort of toxic plant, it is a day where I am completely non-existent and relied upon by nobody.
I believe that Father’s Day basically defines what the day should be in the title – Fathers and Fathers only. I want to wake up, eat breakfast and play some sort of video game that I no longer remember how to play – that is my dream of a wonderful Father’s Day.
Followed by an evening of having beers with my friends with a periodic involvement of my children telling me that they love me and expressing how great I am. With the last part, not to be mistaken for wanting to do an actual activity with them.
Since there is a constant debate right now in the community involving changing dates of certain events, I would like to put forth a vote that this sacred day have it’s name changed to ‘Not a Father’s Day’ – because that is exactly what I (we) want, a day of not being a father.
Now I don’t speak for all men, there may even be some who want to spend the day cuddled up with their loving children <shudders at the thought> but I would place them in the small minority. Compare that minority with the likes of an albino crocodile – they exist, there just aren’t many of them and if they are out there they have probably been killed by the actual normal crocodiles for ruining everything and making the others look bad.
To my partner and children – thank you for allowing me this day of nothingness. Be gone from my sight, I will even provide you with some money for an activity.
Father of the Year.
Mitch is a 26 year old dad of a 2 year-old-boy. A young dad with old man problems. Born and raised in the Shire, which comes with its own judgements and difficulties as it is such a closed community.
He enjoys writing blogs that showcase fatherhood as it is (not how it’s portrayed in Hollywood).
There is no shame in not feeling like a perfect parent or a perfect dad.
Find more from mitch @dadenoughclan.