Local mum Erin Gilligan was shocked to learn earlier this week that her 5-year-old son, Ollie, knows everything there is to know, about everything in existence.
“I was more surprised than a mum arriving home to a clean house,” She told The MOTS Mail earlier today.
“My initial response was to question the bold claim, but when I said ‘Is that right?’ he answered with a resounding self-assured ‘Yep.’ so all doubts have been put to rest.”
“Must be some kind of Benjamin Button syndrome,” Erin continued.
When queried again by our reporter, Ollie was indeed able to spell his name, correctly label the two types of player modes in Minecraft and recite the list of things he got for Christmas.
Ollie came to the startling realization after his mum had told him for the 4th time that he needed to put his shoes on before they could leave for the playground and he had yelled back “I KNOW! I ALREADY KNOW THAT! I KNOW EVERYTHING!”
“It seems like only yesterday he didn’t know that reindeer can’t fly, much less know it all,” Erin said.
“To be honest, I feel as silly as shoes on a newborn. I’ve been tieing his laces and cutting up his toast daily and this whole time he’s known EVERYTHING!”
Since the declaration, Erin has withdrawn her son’s recent school enrollment.
“Now that it’s been discovered he doesn’t require an education I suspect I’ll get to bask in the riches that will come from his superabundant knowledge.”
“Mostly though I’m just looking forward to sitting back and relaxing while he cooks and cleans for himself, as apparently he knows how.”
Erin’s friend Nicole said that she too was surprised by the news.
“Kids must be getting brighter with every generation. My son didn’t know everything until he was eight!”
More to come.
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