A local man has been asked to leave the Sutherland Hospital maternity ward after asking a mother with fresh perineum stitches, whether she’s up for pushing out another baby.
Less than three days earlier, Fiona Croxon, had endured an agonising 18-hour active labour before finally having her firstborn removed using a pair of forceps that would make Jamie Oliver’s kitchen tongs look like an eyelash curler.
Though she was still bleeding on to a pad the size of a runway (encased by a pair of granny pants big enough to signal a plane to land), Fiona, like all delirious new mums, felt obliged to put on a smile and welcome visitors to view her baby, hoping none of them were looking at her.
“Despite the fact that I was running on six hours of broken sleep over two nights and now peeing into a plastic sack, I naively welcomed visitors beyond my immediate family.” She said.
Mike, a childless long-time friend of the family, was presumably visiting with the best intentions but his visit was as well-received as a mid-nap telemarketing call.
“It got off to a bad start.” Fiona told The MOTS Mail, “Mike arrived five minutes before visiting time was over, while a midwife was giving me a hands-on demo of how to shove my breast like a burger into my baby’s mouth.”
“My memories of a skull making its way out of me were still clearer than the fact that Mike’s ‘Congratulations’ balloon had been purchased in the lobby.”
Not minutes into his visit, Mike made the unfortunate choice of asking the brand new mum whether she could foresee herself having another baby.
“You gonna go again?” he asked just as casually as if he were suggesting another round of beers.
“I told him to GTFO.” Fiona said. “He’s lucky my vag was too sore to stand or I’d have started throwing punches.”
“I was still too petrified to poo, much less answer his question.”
When The MOTS Mail caught up with a disgraced Mike he responded to the claims that he was “an insensitive prick with all the tact of a toddler” by saying that he “meant no harm, but had already told the new mum that her baby was cute, and didn’t know what else to say.”
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