Miranda-based mum Jessica Evans has reportedly “had it up to here” with the relentless amount of washing produced by her family of five.
“I’m out!” Jessica said, hurling handfuls of Bonds undies into the wheelie bin with the speed of a mum who’s just dropped her kids at daycare.
“I refuse to empty sand from another pocket or turn another sweaty soccer sock inside out.” She told The MOTS Mail.
It’s alleged, though, that the straw that broke the mother’s hunched back was, in fact, not paint stains or putrid skid marks but something far more sinister.
“After the 48th load of washing that day, I was interrupted for a snack and my brain momentarily switched off auto-pilot. It was only then that I became aware that three of the items I had just placed in the washing machine were not only wearable, but clean!”
Further investigation found that every member of Jessica’s family had been routinely throwing unsoiled items into their washing baskets because it required less effort than putting them away.
“This lot is lazier than a post-coital partner.” Jessica scoffed gesturing at her newly nude brood.
“If it’s too much work for them, it’s sure as shit too much work for me.” She continued, tossing t-shirts into the fire pit that was now heating her naked family.
“And we’re coming into the warmer months so there’s never been a better time to become a nudist.”
Early reports suggest that, since adopting their new lifestyle, the Evans family have not encountered any trouble getting neighbours to maintain social distancing.
If you’re interested, you can find Jessica’s washing machine (which has handled more loads than an IVF clinic) on Facebook Marketplace, in (barely) working condition.
Read more from The MOTS Mail.